I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
