if only i could text you this smell
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
