dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
