considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
