I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
