If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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