She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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