i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
