this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
