Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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