He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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