Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
