That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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