He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
