Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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