You don't have asthma, your pregnant
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there was a trapeze. enough said
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
