So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
