Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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