i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
