I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
