The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
love makes seman taste better
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
