can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
