Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
