Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
