I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
