My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
