You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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