Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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