forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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