yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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