hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
