No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
