I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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