I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
