My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
