Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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