Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
