You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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