So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
