No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
