The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
