His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
