so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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