Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
