just come out here and I will go home with you...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
