If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
