we're chasing vodka with high fives
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
