Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
