Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When are your genitals available?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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