her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
