I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're too hungover to prance.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
