Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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